Real Dating Review

As most of you have probably already noticed, conversation during dates, particularly of the blind category, can be a treacherous affair.

There is an old saying that when meeting someone new, there are two conversation topics that should be avoided: politics and religion.

Now depending on which part of the world you’re in, Religion does not really fit the bill anymore. In North America, religious views are considered personally held beliefs and religion can be discussed safely with almost anyone at any time. That may not be the case if you are living in the Middle East, for example.

Politics are an entirely different thing. Whether we like it or not, our entire lives are governed by politics, especially in the long run. The choice of a particular government NOW means nothing in our day to day lives, but it will have a major impact on the lives of our children.

People tend to hold extreme views about politics, and anything that lends itself to grand exclusionary statements should be avoided as a conversation topic on a date.

In keeping with wanting to avoid conversation that may lead to conflict and a ruined date, here are a couple of other topics that should be avoided:

• Global Warming – The “consensus” is not what it used to be
• Abortion – This should be obvious. No other topic creates so much discord

In general, keep to safe topics where a disagreement will always be perceived as an innocent difference of opinion, such as work, the weather, hobbies and outdoors activities.

This advice is particularly relevant if you belong to a group that doesn’t follow the herd. If you believe firmly in Global Warming, then there is little harm in bringing it up, since the odds that your date has the same beliefs are pretty good. If, on the other hand, you believe that it is a sham, then you will be better off shutting up about it until you establish a comfort level with your date that will enable you to talk about controversial topics without fear of ruining everything.

When meeting with someone new, you very often do not have much to go on, especially if you’ve been set up on a blind date. It is therefore very important to be able to analyze all the little clues the person across the table may be giving, particularly the ones he or she may be giving out without knowing it.

I’m talking about body language. 

There are many things a trained observer can tell from someone, even if that person is not saying a word. For example, looking at the eyes; is the person constantly looking towards the door, looking at someone else, or God forbid, looking at his or her watch? Is your date slightly shifted in his or her seat, i.e. not looking directly at you? If so, that may be an unconscious sign that he or she is ready to bolt, or at least would like to!

Unfortunately, all these signs may pass you by, especially if you are attracted to the other, or a little too animated and involved in what you are saying. 

One thing you can not miss, however, is the crossed arms. If the object of your desires, sitting across the table from you has his or her arms crossed, this is a sign that you are on extremely shaky ground.

You had better start paying attention to what you are saying, and see what kind of reaction you get. It is possible to recover from the crossed arms in terms of a successful date, but it is very difficult.  

Crossed arms denote that the person is closing in on himself, and has made the conscious or unconscious decision not to be receptive to what you are saying. That means that as far as your date is concerned, your jokes are not funny, your stories not endearing, and your conversation in general, boring.

One way to possible salvage something from this fiasco is to ask questions, and to make sure your date talks as much as possible. Everyone loves talking, and most of the time, people just love talking about themselves. So ask lots of questions and try to shift the conversation away from what caused the crossed arms in the first place.