Real Dating Review

Most women have their own personal checklist of qualities and attributes of their future mate. I have to admit, I am just as guilty as the next… BUT unfortunately, it is often not possible to find a match with a real-life person that fits into our box of the ‘perfect guy’. In an idealistic world things may be different; unfortunately we all have to face our own realities.

I am not trying to discourage, believe me, and read on.

While it may be easy to say, “I will not settle for anyone under a certain height, over a certain weight, under a certain income”, it may not be in your best interest. Sometimes, happiness and love can occur in the most underestimated of matches and circumstances. I am not saying to abolish all standards! I am not saying to get hitched with the first guy who makes eye contact. What I am saying is that sometimes, we have a tendency to say “I want”, rather than “I need”.

Think about this distinction. It is often hard to conceive of because of the ability of so many goods, people, and services at our fingertips. Needs last a lifetime, wants are gone once we have acquired them.

Alexander Hamilton said, “Those who stand for nothing fall for anything” and it still rings true today. While it is important to distinguish need from want, it is also important to determine aspects that you absolutely will not back down from, whether it be sense of humor, child-rearing, politics, religion, income, financial stability, whatever it may be, stand proud and express your beliefs. It is up to you to decide whether or not a disagreement is a deal breaker.

Let’s take a classic example, shall we? While shopping you notice a cute little pair of Jimmy Shoes; do you need them? Probably not, but us girls can think up any possible reason to need them because that is what we want.

Start to think about qualities or attitudes of a possible mate. Is he tall, dark haired, muscular, intelligent, and ambitious? Does he make you laugh? Is he compassionate? Do his eyes give the impression of reading your soul? Do you share common values, common goals, and sense of humor?

Remember, Prince Charming can take many forms. The people you have dated obviously are not meeting the bar; did you ever think of asking yourself why?

Consider your needs — your true needs — and then give the singles in your area a chance, a real chance, without preconceived notions. Have fun, enjoy life, and above all, keep smiling!

As most of you have probably already noticed, conversation during dates, particularly of the blind category, can be a treacherous affair.

There is an old saying that when meeting someone new, there are two conversation topics that should be avoided: politics and religion.

Now depending on which part of the world you’re in, Religion does not really fit the bill anymore. In North America, religious views are considered personally held beliefs and religion can be discussed safely with almost anyone at any time. That may not be the case if you are living in the Middle East, for example.

Politics are an entirely different thing. Whether we like it or not, our entire lives are governed by politics, especially in the long run. The choice of a particular government NOW means nothing in our day to day lives, but it will have a major impact on the lives of our children.

People tend to hold extreme views about politics, and anything that lends itself to grand exclusionary statements should be avoided as a conversation topic on a date.

In keeping with wanting to avoid conversation that may lead to conflict and a ruined date, here are a couple of other topics that should be avoided:

• Global Warming – The “consensus” is not what it used to be
• Abortion – This should be obvious. No other topic creates so much discord

In general, keep to safe topics where a disagreement will always be perceived as an innocent difference of opinion, such as work, the weather, hobbies and outdoors activities.

This advice is particularly relevant if you belong to a group that doesn’t follow the herd. If you believe firmly in Global Warming, then there is little harm in bringing it up, since the odds that your date has the same beliefs are pretty good. If, on the other hand, you believe that it is a sham, then you will be better off shutting up about it until you establish a comfort level with your date that will enable you to talk about controversial topics without fear of ruining everything.